November is Prematurity Awareness Month, a global movement to raise awareness of premature birth and the impact it can have on families. We’d like to thank this member for sharing their story in the hope that it helps and supports someone else on their journey. Contact any committee member if you would like to contribute your own member story on any women’s issue.
November is prematurity awareness month and also my daughter’s birthday so it’s poignant opportunity for our family to reflect back on her early arrival and our chaotic start to parenting. I share our story here not to worry anyone (we are all fine now) but to raise awareness of the challenges that come with prematurity and to offer solidarity to anyone who has been or may go through a similar experience.
At 34 weeks into a straight-forward, low-risk pregnancy we went to hospital to check everything was ok during a lunch break following noticing reduced fetal movements. I thought I was being paranoid but my instincts proved true; after 30 minutes on a monitor our lives changed in an instant and our baby girl was delivered by emergency c-section under general anaesthetic, six weeks early and she was in poor condition.
Everyone’s birth story is different but that certainly wasn’t what I was expecting for mine, panicking in the moments before the anaesthetic, my husband shut outside the theatre and coming round hours later unsure how or where our baby was. What followed was a whirlwind of anxiety and NICU (the amazing baby intensive care ward at our local hospital). The care we all received was second-to-none and it was a rollercoaster while she fought through her first weeks of life as we stood by relatively helpless.
Three weeks in NICU felt like three months – from ventilation to feeding worries, jaundice and 24-hour monitoring, surrounded by other parents on the same rollercoaster as us but at different stages and some with unimaginable outcomes. We are the lucky ones and despite our fears she came home and took her time but she is thriving now. She met her development milestones according to her due date, not her earlier birth date which I now understand is normal. A year on we can’t imagine becoming her parents any other way.
My role in racing is mostly home office-based. I am fortunate that my employer was completely helpful and led by me throughout my pregnancy, the emergency birth six weeks before I was due to go on maternity leave and throughout my almost year of maternity leave. I certainly felt I needed that time to adjust and I know that is a luxury that many could not indulge in for their own reasons. I also benefitted from using the Racing Home online hub and rehabilitation programme physio which I recommend to anyone.
If premature birth is something you have experienced or go on to experience there are resources out there to help. Bliss charity and Tommy’s are good places to start and there are others when you search online. It is also encouraging to know that these charities are investing in research to better understand premature birth.
Prematurity can throw up additional challenges with things like infant feeding, sleep, gut health, reflux, starting solids and more and I struggled to find information in the context of premature babies to help me, particularly during that intense ‘fourth trimester’. Not to mention the time it can take to recover emotionally, which can affect all new parents.
In hindsight my advice is to seek out experts, ask for help. DO NOT compare your baby to others it is a thief of joy and they develop at their own pace – there is nothing you can do about it and worrying does not help. I’ve asked myself countless times what I could have done differently to prevent her early arrival and stay in NICU but have found peace (mostly) with the fact I’ll probably never know and that I knew enough at the right time to go to hospital.
It’s worth pointing out that UK statutory paternity leave is two weeks long and our experience showed us that this is not enough. I couldn’t drive post c-section for six weeks and we absolutely needed to be in hospital every day and needed to stick together beyond hospital to adjust to tube feeding and recovering between us. Fortunately my partner is self-employed so he could drop everything but others in NICU alongside us were not so lucky.
Our story has its lasting effects in terms of health anxiety on my part but it taught us our own ability to cope under pressure, how amazingly strong tiny humans can be and how brilliant our health service can be too.
Visit Racing Home for more information on parenting in the racing industry.